NYC: A stare like yours is hard to find

I am sitting in the Corner Shop cafe on Broadway in NYC, picking at fried calamari and drinking a Stella, like a bitch. The food is good, though. I'm not in New York for the food. If I was after good eats, I'd have gladly stayed in Portland, a city rapidly developing a reputation among serious foodies as a veritable mecca of good eats.

At almost 23 years old, it's almost criminal that I haven't been to NYC since I was less than eight years old. Experiencing the city as an adult has been a liberating experience. New York thrums with an organic power that only the most populous, international cities can claim. I'm not sure I'm ready to anoint the city as the world's capital, but really, where is there that competes at this level? I suppose someday when I finally visit London I'll have a true comparison, but by any rubric this place is truly awesome in a very non-surfer dude way.

It is an triumph of my intense love of ironic circumstances to be typing this while sitting in what I can only describe as a trendy NoHo eatery, stealing wifi and listening to quality indie pop produced in Portland. A complete triumph. But now this fucking place is filling up and there are too many beautiful people here to distract me. One across the room is particularly striking, perfectly crafted. Flawless genes. She is probably a total bitch.

Sadly, there are at least three other women who are also extremely attractive within a fifteen-foot radius of my table. This is sad because at Portland State, where I spend 80 percent of my time, there is a terrible dearth of good genes. Look, I'm not saying that I'm smooth enough (or possess enough testicular fortitude) to pull one of these ladies, but it's a shame none are even around.

Now it's the dinner rush and this place is filling up fast. I'm tempted to order another beer and hang around to people watch some more, but what would really be the point of that, other than to depress me in so many ways. Depressed that I don't live here. Depressed that I don't live in Boston. Depressed that I need to finish school. Depressed that I am so shallow and can't just shut up and be happy floating in the vapors. I think I'll get the beer after all.